We're into the points thing under a week, but I am hungry. I suppose it's a nervous habit because on the days I worked and was out of the house? 12 points total for the day and I felt great. When I'm home? It's into the flex points. Keith and I both have such an emotional attachment to food. I eat if nervous or bored or angry or happy! Every occasion is marked by eating. He often has a meal and three hours later claims to be starving. It's emotional, I think. He disagrees.
Any quick ideas for low point-worthy snacks? Keith goes away for Cub Scout camp this week-end, and I think if I can find some 1 and 2 points non-fridge snacks, it will be easier for him to not be so hungry. Snacks would also help him eat smaller portions at meals.
Finally, not getting on the scale again until we are a full week into this. I derive comfort from that big window!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Weekly Update Number 2
Has it been only two full weeks?
It feels so much longer, as if I have been living and eating like this forever. I look at this thought as a positive change because I really can not fathom going back to the way things use to be...like remembering that today is 9/11 and how those events changed me forever, so has this event in my life...my personal 9/11 and the towers of unhealthy living have come down forever.
1. Exercise: Still walking twice a day and lifting hand weights every other day. This is really paying off. I am up to 1/2 mile without stopping and moving at a good clip each time. I am noticing how much exercise is playing a role with moderating my moods. I am happier and more even keeled. I fidget more, as well. I am out there living life instead of letting life pass me by because of the inability to move.
2. Healthy Eating: This is a lot easier than I thought it would be. I have finally figured out my keys to success and they are following the rules of clean eating and planning. A typical day looks something like this:
Breakfast: I never skip breakfast. It is true that more success is found with a good and filling breakfast. It starts my day off on the right foot and gives me the fuel and courage I need to continue to make good choices. I usually eat 1 serving of plain, steel cut oatmeal with 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon and 1/2 cup of fruit such as strawberries, blueberries, or banana slices. Once or twice a week, I will make an egg beaters omelet or scramble with veggies and a probiotic yogurt.
Lunch: Yeah...my chance to have some healthy carbs!!! I either have 1 cup of whole wheat pasta or brown rice with chopped tomatoes, a splash of EVOO, and some basil. 2 cups of salad greens such as romaine, bibb, green leaf, and spinach. I make a big bag of salad and keep it in the crisper, so it's ready when I am. I also have 3oz of cooked turkey or chicken or 1/2 cup of kidney beans or black beans and serving of fresh fruit. That's a lot of food!!! It is my heaviest meal of the day, but still low in calories and fat.
Snack: If needed, I will have one serving of fresh fruit or a yogurt.
Supper: I keep this meal my lightest of the day. I have 1 serving of protein and 2 servings of vegetables.
3. Water: I am up to a gallon a day. I fit it in whenever I can...I am constantly drinking water and have now decided that the bathroom really needs to be remodeled....because I spend so much time IN there!! Flushing your system of toxins and eliminated fat is important even if you are retaining water. The easiest way to rid your body of excess fluids is to drink more!!
4. Self Talk and Stress: I still struggle with this, but I am finding out so much about myself. It really is more than a journey to healthy living...it is a journey of self discovery. I am exploring why I had let myself become such a victim. What have I been hiding from? Why did I use the shield of fat to remove myself from a happy, fulfilled life. I am delving deeper into HOW and WHY I let myself get to where I was. Why was it okay for me to punish myself by eating poorly? I can stand up for the rights of others and be proactive, so why should I not be the same way with myself? Well, the victim doesn't live here anymore. Each day, I find that I am becoming authentic and more real. I am getting to know who this Marlene is and just what I am capable of.
And now...what we have been weighting for...261.4 (start weight) minus 255.2 (today's weight) equals....6.3 Pounds gone forever!!!
I am just really stoked! Yeah, it was hard work, but I did it and I am not starving. I am more energized than ever and doing things I never imagined.
We went out last night with the whole family last night and I put on a pair of dress pants I hadn't worn in a while...these were pants that had been tight...and now they are too big, so while the pounds are coming off, I also know that my body is changing as well!!
And the feet...not swollen...I have veins!!!
Keep up the hard work everyone and don't forget YOUR weekly update...good, bad, or ugly. It is all about change.
It feels so much longer, as if I have been living and eating like this forever. I look at this thought as a positive change because I really can not fathom going back to the way things use to be...like remembering that today is 9/11 and how those events changed me forever, so has this event in my life...my personal 9/11 and the towers of unhealthy living have come down forever.
1. Exercise: Still walking twice a day and lifting hand weights every other day. This is really paying off. I am up to 1/2 mile without stopping and moving at a good clip each time. I am noticing how much exercise is playing a role with moderating my moods. I am happier and more even keeled. I fidget more, as well. I am out there living life instead of letting life pass me by because of the inability to move.
2. Healthy Eating: This is a lot easier than I thought it would be. I have finally figured out my keys to success and they are following the rules of clean eating and planning. A typical day looks something like this:
Breakfast: I never skip breakfast. It is true that more success is found with a good and filling breakfast. It starts my day off on the right foot and gives me the fuel and courage I need to continue to make good choices. I usually eat 1 serving of plain, steel cut oatmeal with 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon and 1/2 cup of fruit such as strawberries, blueberries, or banana slices. Once or twice a week, I will make an egg beaters omelet or scramble with veggies and a probiotic yogurt.
Lunch: Yeah...my chance to have some healthy carbs!!! I either have 1 cup of whole wheat pasta or brown rice with chopped tomatoes, a splash of EVOO, and some basil. 2 cups of salad greens such as romaine, bibb, green leaf, and spinach. I make a big bag of salad and keep it in the crisper, so it's ready when I am. I also have 3oz of cooked turkey or chicken or 1/2 cup of kidney beans or black beans and serving of fresh fruit. That's a lot of food!!! It is my heaviest meal of the day, but still low in calories and fat.
Snack: If needed, I will have one serving of fresh fruit or a yogurt.
Supper: I keep this meal my lightest of the day. I have 1 serving of protein and 2 servings of vegetables.
3. Water: I am up to a gallon a day. I fit it in whenever I can...I am constantly drinking water and have now decided that the bathroom really needs to be remodeled....because I spend so much time IN there!! Flushing your system of toxins and eliminated fat is important even if you are retaining water. The easiest way to rid your body of excess fluids is to drink more!!
4. Self Talk and Stress: I still struggle with this, but I am finding out so much about myself. It really is more than a journey to healthy living...it is a journey of self discovery. I am exploring why I had let myself become such a victim. What have I been hiding from? Why did I use the shield of fat to remove myself from a happy, fulfilled life. I am delving deeper into HOW and WHY I let myself get to where I was. Why was it okay for me to punish myself by eating poorly? I can stand up for the rights of others and be proactive, so why should I not be the same way with myself? Well, the victim doesn't live here anymore. Each day, I find that I am becoming authentic and more real. I am getting to know who this Marlene is and just what I am capable of.
And now...what we have been weighting for...261.4 (start weight) minus 255.2 (today's weight) equals....6.3 Pounds gone forever!!!
I am just really stoked! Yeah, it was hard work, but I did it and I am not starving. I am more energized than ever and doing things I never imagined.
We went out last night with the whole family last night and I put on a pair of dress pants I hadn't worn in a while...these were pants that had been tight...and now they are too big, so while the pounds are coming off, I also know that my body is changing as well!!
And the feet...not swollen...I have veins!!!
Keep up the hard work everyone and don't forget YOUR weekly update...good, bad, or ugly. It is all about change.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Are You Ready for the Real Lisa?
I've been thinking about Woody's post and the blame game and it really resonated with me. I am an absolute expert at blaming the weight on everything (it's Keith's fault because he has more of weight battle than I do, it's the kids' fault for coming out of this body, it's my boobs' fault for being so stinking big and dense, it's job's fault for making me teach during dinner for the last 10 years.) That's got to stop.
It's my fault.
There. I said it.
So it follows that the knee that keeps going out ala President Ford is my fault, the cholesterol numbers are my fault, the size I can't type here because my mother might read it is my fault, and you know what? I am finally willing to take ownership.
I want to feel great physically and emotionally. No more comparing myself to the weight of other moms. No more skipping doctor appointments because he has a scale there. No more excuses. And I'm not even going to celebrate writing this post by eating ice cream :)I mean it this time.
Thanks for letting me be part of this group.
It's my fault.
There. I said it.
So it follows that the knee that keeps going out ala President Ford is my fault, the cholesterol numbers are my fault, the size I can't type here because my mother might read it is my fault, and you know what? I am finally willing to take ownership.
- I want to be healthy so I can walk with my precious daughter through the roller coaster years of high school and college.
- I want to be healthy so I can celebrate where my wonderfully sweet 12 year old son has been and where he's going.
- I want to be healthy so I have the strength to guide my brilliant 9 year old son through the intellectual questions that are sure to come.
- I want to be healthy so I am less focused on ME and more on my 7 year old son who is struggling with some big issues.
- I want to be healthy and I want Keith to be healthy so we won't be the older couple who lists our ailments whenever anyone is willing to listen.
I want to feel great physically and emotionally. No more comparing myself to the weight of other moms. No more skipping doctor appointments because he has a scale there. No more excuses. And I'm not even going to celebrate writing this post by eating ice cream :)I mean it this time.
Thanks for letting me be part of this group.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
How to Survive a Cook-out or Party
Well, I had my first test this past Sunday, when Hard Working Man and I had to make an appearance at a family cook-out and what better way to practice my new healthy eating tools than around family.
I made these REALLY YUMMY pumpkin, carrot, oatmeal, spice muffins this weekend both in regular size and in mini muffin size. I packed them into serving sizes for HWM and myself. Each large muffin had 67 calories and only 1 gram of fat...They are called Weight Watchers 2 point muffins and really they are so delish and EASY. Just four ingredients and nothing more. After I bagged them, they went into the freezer, so bingeing would not be an option.
1 Carrot Cake Mix
1 15-oz can of pumpkin puree
1 cup water
1 cup of rolled oats
So, I didn't fall off the wagon, my party experience wasn't dampened by eating differently than everyone else, and the happiness I felt the next morning having accomplished another huge mountain in my quest to change my life was met. The definition of insanity is to keep living life the same way, but expecting different outcomes. I am ready to live my life a different way and that means changing everything in my life. FOREVER.
I casually asked Hard Working Mom what she was planning to fix and when she said burgers and dogs on the grill, I boldly asked her if she minded if I brought some marinated chicken breasts to throw on the grill for me!! She quickly agreed that it would be fine, so my primary problem was solved. I am learning to be honest not only with others, but with myself. The "before" me would have never been like that...I would have gladly stuffed whatever was available just to appease the host or hostess...NOT ANY MORE.
It may seem rude, but I am not willing to go back on my quest for a healthier and happier me...nothing can get in my way...not even a holiday, party, or a family gathering. If they want to see me, then allowances must be made. PERIOD.
I also made a side salad to share, but was made within my own specifications so I at least knew I had my healthy options available to me.
I made a Cole Slaw recipe that was posted by Meg at Soup is not a Finger Food. She made a really appealing Pennsylvania Pepper Slaw that I knew instantly I could adapt for my plan. Instead of the 1.5 cups of sugar the recipe called for, I used 3/4 of a cup of Splenda...half the calories and carbohydrates than regular sugar and no loss of taste what so ever. In fact, I love the Splenda website...it has wonderful recipes and guides to replace sugar with a healthy alternative while never giving up the taste or replacing it with a bitter, chemical taste that often other sugar substitutes can do.
I drank lots of bottled water and when cake time rolled around, I grabbed a handful of grapes I had packed and told myself NO.
I often read a lot of other weight loss and healthy lifestyle blogs where people allow for bad days or "just a few won't hurt" mentality. I am sorry, but that theology just won't work for me. Do I want to go back to the way things were? NEVER.
I made these REALLY YUMMY pumpkin, carrot, oatmeal, spice muffins this weekend both in regular size and in mini muffin size. I packed them into serving sizes for HWM and myself. Each large muffin had 67 calories and only 1 gram of fat...They are called Weight Watchers 2 point muffins and really they are so delish and EASY. Just four ingredients and nothing more. After I bagged them, they went into the freezer, so bingeing would not be an option. 1 Carrot Cake Mix
1 15-oz can of pumpkin puree
1 cup water
1 cup of rolled oats
So, I didn't fall off the wagon, my party experience wasn't dampened by eating differently than everyone else, and the happiness I felt the next morning having accomplished another huge mountain in my quest to change my life was met. The definition of insanity is to keep living life the same way, but expecting different outcomes. I am ready to live my life a different way and that means changing everything in my life. FOREVER.
Friday, September 4, 2009
My Problem
My biggest stumbling block in trying to lose weight and get healthy is me.
For so long, I have beat myself up. Talked myself down. I have convinced myself that I am not worth the time or effort or expense.
I realized how deeply ingrained this is when I read a statement on the blog that Marlene introduced us to. I went back to see her from the beginning. And I read a statement about how she would not buy clothes when she was at her heaviest because a little voice would tell her that she wasn't worth the money.
I cannot tell you how many times I have been shopping and I either don't buy anything or I buy something that I really don't like but it is cheaper. I can hear that voice in my head saying "Why spend the money when it will look like crap anyway?" For many, many years, I didn't darken the door of a salon because I didn't feel worth the expense.
No wonder I felt like I looked like crap. Because I did! I didn't bother with doing my hair or putting on makeup or even painting my toenails. (And I dearly love my toenails painted!!) I didn't bother because I never felt worth the time or effort or expense.
I wasn't even worth the effort to eat right. We all know that eating right takes time and preparation. I didn't even feel like I was worth that.
Vol Fan and I have this little thing that we do. If I am in the kitchen and he walks by and grabs a handful of my fanny, I'll say "Watch it, mister. That's my ass!" Stupid, I know. But it's what we do;) Somewhere along the line, my reply has morphed into "That's my fat ass!"
When we are intimate, I freeze up if he touches my stomach. That same little voice in my head tells me how unattractive that stomach has to be to him.
I have got to stop this destructive voice from playing and replaying in my head.
So I am trying to retrain that little voice to encourage rather than discourage. I have gone back to "that's my ass" in my reply to Vol Fan. If I am having a good hair day, I tell myself just how good it looks.
If I'm not having a good day in the looks department, I find something else to focus on. Last week, Pita told me I was the best aunt ever, almost as good as Santa Claus. So I grabbed on to that for a few days.
I will retrain that voice because I am worth it. And so are you.
For so long, I have beat myself up. Talked myself down. I have convinced myself that I am not worth the time or effort or expense.
I realized how deeply ingrained this is when I read a statement on the blog that Marlene introduced us to. I went back to see her from the beginning. And I read a statement about how she would not buy clothes when she was at her heaviest because a little voice would tell her that she wasn't worth the money.
I cannot tell you how many times I have been shopping and I either don't buy anything or I buy something that I really don't like but it is cheaper. I can hear that voice in my head saying "Why spend the money when it will look like crap anyway?" For many, many years, I didn't darken the door of a salon because I didn't feel worth the expense.
No wonder I felt like I looked like crap. Because I did! I didn't bother with doing my hair or putting on makeup or even painting my toenails. (And I dearly love my toenails painted!!) I didn't bother because I never felt worth the time or effort or expense.
I wasn't even worth the effort to eat right. We all know that eating right takes time and preparation. I didn't even feel like I was worth that.
Vol Fan and I have this little thing that we do. If I am in the kitchen and he walks by and grabs a handful of my fanny, I'll say "Watch it, mister. That's my ass!" Stupid, I know. But it's what we do;) Somewhere along the line, my reply has morphed into "That's my fat ass!"
When we are intimate, I freeze up if he touches my stomach. That same little voice in my head tells me how unattractive that stomach has to be to him.
I have got to stop this destructive voice from playing and replaying in my head.
So I am trying to retrain that little voice to encourage rather than discourage. I have gone back to "that's my ass" in my reply to Vol Fan. If I am having a good hair day, I tell myself just how good it looks.
If I'm not having a good day in the looks department, I find something else to focus on. Last week, Pita told me I was the best aunt ever, almost as good as Santa Claus. So I grabbed on to that for a few days.
I will retrain that voice because I am worth it. And so are you.
Festive Friday
This has been a great week for me. I have stayed on track!
I have had plenty of water with limited alcohol intake.
I have walked a mile twice a day four days and will do it again today.
I have had plenty of fruits and veggies. I had pizza once (three slices dammit). It sure was good too! That was my carb rush for the week OK? My fiber intake is keeping things moving.
My Dr's appointment went well yesterday. I had a good report. My iron count was a little low(from the meds) but the multi-vitamins should care for that. I have been less tired this week and I feel pretty darn good right now. My thyroid treatments will end on November 5th! I see light at the end of this tunnel!
So I weighed in this morning with 2 more pounds lost~ a total of 9 pounds so far! I'm feeling a little festive!
I have had plenty of water with limited alcohol intake.
I have walked a mile twice a day four days and will do it again today.
I have had plenty of fruits and veggies. I had pizza once (three slices dammit). It sure was good too! That was my carb rush for the week OK? My fiber intake is keeping things moving.
My Dr's appointment went well yesterday. I had a good report. My iron count was a little low(from the meds) but the multi-vitamins should care for that. I have been less tired this week and I feel pretty darn good right now. My thyroid treatments will end on November 5th! I see light at the end of this tunnel!
So I weighed in this morning with 2 more pounds lost~ a total of 9 pounds so far! I'm feeling a little festive!
Weekly Update Number 1
My Week In Review:
1. Exercise: I started power walking twice a day which is a HUGE step for me because I am finally moving and it both feels great and is helping get these pounds moving in a negative direction. I am also working out with 1 pound weights every other day. I have to stop occasionally, but that is okay because eventually I won't have to. I am walking further and longer each day...point the point is, I am moving. Eventually, I want to get a bike and sometime after the new year, I want to join a gym.
2. Healthy Eating: This is going really well. I have been eating 3 well balanced, and "Clean" meals and one snack a day. I don't eat after 7pm and I don't eat carbs after lunch. I keep a notebook of everything I put into my mouth...even if it is a piece of gum. I know that may sound obsessive, but with a tendency to overeat or eat subconsciously, this is really helping to keep an accountability factor in my daily life. I am currently consuming about 1,800 calories a day, but am not counting them...I know through much practice how to stay near that goal number.
3. Water: Drinking lots of water...sometimes to the point where I think I might float away. I still have been true to myself, by not drinking soda's either diet or otherwise.
4. Self Talk and Stress: I am practicing being my own cheerleader more and not listening to those tapes of negativity that are stuck in my brain. I plan, plan, plan...and I anticipate. I have to until I know there is no way I can be derailed by unexpected events. The added bonus of the exercise is that it helps a lot with stress.
Hard Working Man agreed to take my initial start photos. These were taken last Friday, August 28, 2009. My weight was 261.4 I look at that ass and cringe...where in the hell did that thing come from? It has to be a tumor. One good thing is...it is on it's way outta here! The second photo should be a poster that reads....THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU OVER EAT AND DO NOTHING ABOUT IT!!!
One thing I notice is...I was standing up straight, but because the size of my middle, it looks like I was hunched over. This was a very sad woman who was using food as a drug...not any more. 
Now...the part we have all been waiting for.....my number for this week is: 258.2!!!! I have lost 3.2 pounds this week. I can not begin to tell you how excited I am. I feel like for the first time, I am changing my life for the better. Like I said before, this is not a diet for me...it is a life style change.
Would everyone else, PLEASE do me a favor and post your updates...the good, the bad...I don't care if you get on here and tell me to just shut up. I don't want to be the only one posting...and your posts really do help me so much...they encourage me and when I get those quick pangs that I can't or don't want to do this...reading them puts me right back on track.
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