I was ignoring all the signs that I desperately needed to get healthy. I was blaming it all on what was going on around me, so that I could selfishly keep on eating and feeding my body crap. I would convince myself that my reasons were valid...until I couldn't do it anymore.
I really do want to live...I want to be happy and I need to be healthy. How can I tell my daughter to keep on going and that life is worth living, if I am silently killing myself instead. Sounds like a hypocrite to me and I am not fond of being hypocritical. How can I help others, if I fail to help myself?
I guess that is why I haven't posted in a while...because if I ignored it, then it wasn't really there...right?
Ignorance is bliss. But I want more than ignorance. I choose life.
I know "what" I need to do...I know "how" to do it. After spending the day staring at my toes that were starting to turn blue because my feet were swelling so much, I made the decision to "get real" with myself and stopping hiding behind my friend called ignorance.
The truth sucks...but it can also be a freeing experience and I feel that it will be the same for me. I am putting these demons to rest not only for myself, but for my daughters. The skeletons are coming out of the closet and no longer will I be held to their agenda. they will adhere to mine.
I will stop smoking too, but it will not be right now...I can only handle but so many changes at once. But that day is quickly approaching.
I am contracting with this blog to only eat healthy foods...whole, simplistic foods with high nutritional value.
I will not eat processed crap loaded with sugar, fat, and salt.
I will not drink soda. I will chose water and on occasion, a glass of wine.
I will not succumb to the eating habits of others. If I can not eat somewhere that I can make proper choices...then we will not eat there.
I will not say..."just one will not hurt."
I will walk for at least 10 minutes everyday for the next week.
I will feed my soul as well, with uplifting and happy things. I will do this daily.
I will take my Flax Seed Oil and Fish Oil Supplements twice daily, as well as a woman's daily vitamin.
I will use this forum for all that it's worth and I will lean on my Blog Sister's as I fight this war.
I will be brutally honest and by doing so I will admit my weight as of this morning...
My weight today is 261.4 (I have a nice digital scale that I will not become obsessed with). I am 5'4.
I am morbidly obese and this will be the LAST time I will ever have to say this.
Today is my new beginning.