Friday, August 28, 2009

Stop the Ignorance!

I was ignoring all the signs that I desperately needed to get healthy. I was blaming it all on what was going on around me, so that I could selfishly keep on eating and feeding my body crap. I would convince myself that my reasons were valid...until I couldn't do it anymore.

I really do want to live...I want to be happy and I need to be healthy. How can I tell my daughter to keep on going and that life is worth living, if I am silently killing myself instead. Sounds like a hypocrite to me and I am not fond of being hypocritical. How can I help others, if I fail to help myself?

I guess that is why I haven't posted in a while...because if I ignored it, then it wasn't really there...right?

Ignorance is bliss. But I want more than ignorance. I choose life.

I know "what" I need to do...I know "how" to do it. After spending the day staring at my toes that were starting to turn blue because my feet were swelling so much, I made the decision to "get real" with myself and stopping hiding behind my friend called ignorance.

The truth sucks...but it can also be a freeing experience and I feel that it will be the same for me. I am putting these demons to rest not only for myself, but for my daughters. The skeletons are coming out of the closet and no longer will I be held to their agenda. they will adhere to mine.

I will stop smoking too, but it will not be right now...I can only handle but so many changes at once. But that day is quickly approaching.

I am contracting with this blog to only eat healthy foods...whole, simplistic foods with high nutritional value.

I will not eat processed crap loaded with sugar, fat, and salt.

I will not drink soda. I will chose water and on occasion, a glass of wine.

I will not succumb to the eating habits of others. If I can not eat somewhere that I can make proper choices...then we will not eat there.

I will not say..."just one will not hurt."

I will walk for at least 10 minutes everyday for the next week.

I will feed my soul as well, with uplifting and happy things. I will do this daily.

I will take my Flax Seed Oil and Fish Oil Supplements twice daily, as well as a woman's daily vitamin.

I will use this forum for all that it's worth and I will lean on my Blog Sister's as I fight this war.

I will be brutally honest and by doing so I will admit my weight as of this morning...

My weight today is 261.4 (I have a nice digital scale that I will not become obsessed with). I am 5'4.

I am morbidly obese and this will be the LAST time I will ever have to say this.

Today is my new beginning.


  1. You can do this Marlene! None of us are perfect. Just do the best you can and stick with it. If you stumble- you know the drill. Get up, brush your tail off and keep on going. We all make mistakes. We all in this together and to support each other. Here's to The New Beginning my friend! <><

  2. Good for you, girl!! I love that determination that I hear in your 'voice'.

    My doctor had a serious talk with me when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. He, very seriously, asked me if I had suicidal tendencies because with my weight, I was killing myself. Just with a very slow moving bullet.

    I have been holding myself back as well. I kept wanting to believe that if I would just exercise, then I could eat - whatever, whenever. Just this week, I have realized that I cannot. I need to hold myself accountable for every morsel of food that I put in my mouth.

    Damn, it's hard. Comfort food has been my drug of choice for so long that I don't really know how or where to begin. So I am working on baby steps.

    I have switched from ground beef to ground turkey for things like tacos, etc. Still need beef for a burger though:)

    I limit my soda to one diet Mountain Dew at lunch. Other than that it is water.

    I am working on finding more veggies that I like - haven't been all that successful. But who knew I liked asparagus?!?

    I don't fry. I have weaned myself down to 1% milk, can't quite do skim yet.

    I have started reading labels - don't really understand them but I read!

    I still love pasta and can't see myself going without it so I have been on a mission - trying all the whole wheat, whole grain ones on the market. The brand that still tastes like pasta is supposed to taste is Smart Taste by Ronzoni.

    Wow - did you think I would ever shut up?!?

  3. Your comments meant the world to me today!!! They spurred me on even further!

  4. You have set some great goals there. We are all here when you need us.